George Lopez threat to leave U.S. gives Palin run most hope it's seen in years

By threatening to leave the country if Sarah Palin becomes president, unfunny comedian George Lopez gave despondent and hopeless Palin supporters a giant boost, as millions of Americans previously nauseated by Palin now must weigh a new consideration.

The Palin cost-benefit analysis for independent voters -- previously a monumental landslide to the "cost" side -- now must factor in the benefit of an America where you won't accidentally catch the beginning of the George Lopez show after an episode of Family Guy on TBS.

"I don't want to see Palin's complete lack of understanding of anything more complex than a shoe horn administer the kill shot to an already-limping America," said one voter. "But have you seen George Lopez' comedy? It's awful."

"I'd rather perforate my eardrum with a rusty nail. Or watch the Kardashians." He hesitated. "Well, not watch the Kardashians, but definitely the rusty nail."

It was unclear whether Lopez would be able to continue to work for TBS if he quit America (this reporter didn't watch the linked CNN video because, come on, it's George Lopez talking), but the sheer possibility has intrigued millions.

"I mean, if we end up broke, in a war with Kyrgyzstan, and eating tree bark like North Koreans that's one thing, but at least George Lopez won't be around to ear-rape us with his stereotypical Latino antics in routines with no connection with modern humor, or humor of any era," another voter said, calling him a "Mexican Dane Cook."

Reports that Team Palin has reached out to George Lopez saying "Please for the love of God keep talking" are unconfirmed. But sources have said that the Palin camp has some extra pep in it's right-veering step.

"This is a God-send. The one person as irritating and divisive as our candidate has drawn a line in the sand, saying it's her or me," said a Palin employee, who asked not to be named because he is not authorized to speak on the matter.

Obama supporters, though not panicked, were concerned about Lopez, who once said in a routine that he loves golf because he likes "anything where I get to hit something white with a club.

"It's not Armageddon like this default thingy. But it's not good, either. No fans of Lopez vote GOP. And a lot of people that voted for us in 2008 aren't thrilled with either party right now, so yeah, the prospect of Lopez moving to Canada might tip the balance a bit," an Obama supporter said. "If it had been Larry the Cable Guy, we'd be singing a different tune... albeit a confused one."

When asked, why Canada, he said "What, like he's gonna move to Mexico? Get real. Dude was born in California and lives in a rich neigborhood in Los Angeles; he has more in common culturally with Calgary than Guadalajara. He's unfunny, not brain-dead."

The Palin source didn't care where Lopez went, as long as he at least appeared willing make good on the threat. As a gesture, the Palin camp has already used campaign funds on a one-way ticket to Fiji in his name.

"We haven't won anything, but we have hope. Voters who had closed the book on Palin are thinking again. We just hope they don't think too hard."